Dnes oslavujem svoje 31. narodeniny, a hoci je to pracovný deň ako každý iný, zároveň je aj tak trošku špeciálny. Keď som pred rokom oslavovala veľkú 3-0, bol to pre mňa naozaj výnimočný moment. Po prvýkrát som totiž cítila, že mám svoj život pod kontrolou. Cítila som sa spokojná sama so sebou, s dôverou vo vlastné schopnosti, s vlastnou strechou nad hlavou, ktorá pre mňa znamenala slobodu, nezávislosť a bezpečný prístav, kam sa môžem vrátiť bez ohľadu na to, aké bláznovstvá sa dejú za jeho dverami. Bola som šťastne slobodná, s prácou, v ktorej som sa konečne začala cítiť komfortne a pripravovala som sa na svoju veľkú sólo cestu do Provensálska, ktorá sa napokon stala najlepšou a najúžasnejšou dovolenkou môjho života. Zatiaľ 🙂
Dnes, keď mám presne o rok viac, sa cítim nesmierne šťastná a vďačná za to, že toto všetko stále platí takmer do bodky. Zmenila sa len jediná vec – zo šťastne slobodnej som sa zmenila na šťastne vydatú a dnes už plánujeme ďalší výlet do Provensálska spolu. Kruh sa uzavrel, a ja s napätím a nadšením čakám, čo mi táto ďalšia životná etapa prinesie.
Nechápte ma zle – ten posledný rok nebol iba prechádzkou ružovým sadom, s pohárom šampanského v jednej a s makrónkami v druhej ruke. Zažila som si aj poriadnu dávku stresov, smútku, obáv a pochybností, ktoré mi po nociach nedali spávať. Vrátila som sa do školy, ktorá s mojím pôvodným zameraním nemala vôbec nič spoločné. Vo firme sme prekonali zmeny, ktoré neboli jednoduché, ale o to viac boli nevyhnutné. Musela som si zvykať, že po rokoch už nebývam sama, a hoci to bolo jednoduchšie než som si myslela, nezaobišlo sa to bez svojej dávky kompromisov. Ale všetko to stálo za to, a neviem (a ani nechcem) si predstaviť, že by môj život dnes vyzeral inak. Za každú jednu skúsenosť – dobrú aj zlú – som vďačná. A už teraz sa veľmi teším na to, čo mi prinesie môj 32. rok na tomto svete.
A keďže okolo svojich narodenín vždy bývam obzvlášť nostalgicky naladená, pohrabala som sa v archíve svojho starého blogu a našla tam článok, ktorý som napísala deň pred svojou tridsiatkou. Rozhodla som sa ho znovu publikovať, v pôvodnom znení a bez zmien, pretože pod to, čo som vtedy napísala, sa pokojne podpíšem aj dnes. Ale už s novým priezviskom 🙂
On turning 30
Good morning guys! I’m here today with a rather special post. Yesterday, I bid goodbye to my 20’s with my closest family and a bottle of great wine, and today I’m turning 30. It feels like such a special moment, despite the fact that it’s shaping up to be another busy day at work. It feels different. I feel like I’ve been gearing up towards this moment for weeks, maybe even months.
See, I have never been afraid of getting older. Quite the contrary. My parents keep telling me that I have always been an old soul: responsible and mature beyond my age. And in my late 20’s, I was always the woman telling everyone how much I was looking forward to reaching the 3-0 milestone. I was pretty darn sure about it, and now that the day has finally come, I couldn’t be more excited to begin this new chapter of my life.
Different periods in our lives bring us unique experiences that help shape and build us up. My 20’s were full of growing pains (and I’m pretty sure yours were, or still are, too). When I was 20, I was convinced that I had my life all figured out. I knew what I wanted to do, I knew where I wanted to live and with whom. Fast forward 10 years, and I remember my younger self fondly, with a tiny knowing, yet indulgent smile. Life is not at all like I had imagined it back then, but it’s wonderful all the same. I’m happy and thankful to say that my 20’s were all about learning, experimenting, trying different paths and deciding what I liked and what I most certainly didn’t. I lived in several different countries, fulfilled a few of my biggest dreams and failed miserably at a few others, I almost got married to the wrong guy (thank goodness that didn’t work out), and learned the hard way that people I love the most won’t be here with me forever.
For the past decade, I tried, I failed, tried again and fell to my knees more than once, but I’m proud to say that I always managed to get up, pull myself together and begin again. The older I get, the wiser, more secure and more confident in my own skin I feel. And as I’m entering another decade of my life, I finally feel like I know who I am and what I want out of life. I have found my voice, and I’m more comfortable using it than ever. And I have quite a clear idea of a woman I want and I’m meant to become: loving but independent, caring and strong, confident and vulnerable, and so, so much more.
In my 20’s I had my insecurities piled up high. I was second guessing my decisions at every turn. At the onset of my 30’s I finally feel like I have my priorities straight and I know what’s important to me. And I also know that so many things I used to agonize over a few years back, will no longer cause me to lose my sleep. I finally feel like I’m in the driving seat. Of course, I don’t know that final destination yet (no one knows, and that’s the beauty of life, after all), but now I feel like I can steer my life in whatever direction I decide: whether it’s taking over our family business, starting my own company or becoming a mother. It’s up to me to choose my path.
Of course, I’m well aware that this new decade arrives with a whole slew of its own problems and issues. I don’t expect it to be an endless walk through the rose garden (after all, every rose has its thorns, too). I don’t ask myself anymore what I’m going to be when I grow up, or if I’m looking cute in that bikini, or why, oh why didn’t he text me back? Now I have a bunch of very different questions I ruminate over when I can’t sleep at night: will I continue to be successful and happy in my career? Will I be able to take care of my parents if necessary? Will I be able to meet a man I would want to start a family with? And eventually, what would having kids in my 30’s ultimately feel like?
What I know now, that I didn’t know 10 years ago is that I’ll be able to cross that bridge when I reach it. I feel strong enough to overcome and survive each and every challenge life throws my way.
I have been 30 for the totality of 8 hours, and yet this decade already feels like home. I am at home in my body, with all its flaws, imperfections, but also its capabilities. I’m at home in my mind, even with its tendency to become cluttered and scattered all over the place (maybe this will be the year when I finally start meditating 🙂 ). I feel at home in our business, which, honestly, I’m the first one to be surprised about, but in the end, that’s what life’s unpredictability is all about. I’m at home in living alone and assuming all the responsibility that goes with it. And I’m at home in being single right now, although I very much hope that it won’t be a permanent state for me.
I’m entering this new chapter of my life with curiosity, confidence and humbleness, and I simply can’t wait to discover what life has in store for me next.
Thank you so much for reading and following along on this journey. And I would love to know: have you turned 30 already? If so, what it felt like? If not, are you looking forward to crossing that threshold, or does it feel slightly daunting to you? What are you looking forward to the most in your 30’s?